Nervous

The decision will have to be made this week. I've let my parents down SO much over the years. I feel like I'm such a burden financially and physically. I can't do a damn thing right. And it fucking sucks! In my heart, all I've wanted was to make them proud of me. To see that glimmer in their eyes, that hearty chuckle, the knowing grin; and knowing it's all for me. That I've finally done it. I'm a fucking idiot. That much is true. And I need to accept the fact. I have smart parents and I'll NEVER amount to half of what they are. They came all the way from Africa for nothing. Just a fat 160 pound piece of nothing. Need to stop lying to myself. Life would be so much easier without me.